I do feel.

So, you know how I say i don't feel the normal range of highs and lows a normal person does? well, i'm feeling pretty shitty now. nothing close to "depressed"... just shitty. let me clarify: things are just looking kinda mundane now. school has started and i know it just goes downhill from here, in terms of workload, projects, and essays, of which i have TONS. knowing that i'm taking a heavier-than-normal courseload doesn't help jollify me at all either. i guess hockey this weekend might cheer me up. you see what kind of ephemeral, frivolous activities liven my day? i need to be rooted in something deeper. from birth, i've been told that it's God that i need to be rooted in. philosophy, biology, biochemistry, anatomy, and a whole bunch of other courses are telling me there is no such a thing, person, identity! more and more, i feel like i'm disbelieving. not spending time to think about Him and spend time with Him to be reassured. but how much of "quiet time" is just self-assurance and confirmation bias - us just falling into the trap of believing what we want to believe, but so subtly and inconspicuously does this happen, that we believe what we believe is the truth without due consideration ('cos such an issue as our FATE should indubiously be well thought out!). and no, i'm not remotely trying to sound philosophical, "chim", or intelligent (hmm... maybe just a little), 'cos i'm pretty sure the above makes not much sense - i'm just trying to straighten things out in my head. I wish things were simpler.